%$#^ you, lack of sleep

As many of you know, fibro somehow interferes with our ability to sleep recently.

I've spent the majority of my life sleeping poorly. But seriously, this is ridiculous. My latest issue? TERRIBLE nightmares. Honest to god, wake up screaming sort of nightmares. And then? YOU TRY FALLING BACK ASLEEP. I end up curled up around my cat, talking myself off the ledge.

My sleep specialist (which reminds me, I need to blog about that separately-sleep studies + fibro = my own private idaho of HELL) had prescribed Xanax (I break the pills in half) to help me sleep, as I can't tune out the world when I'm asleep.

Here's the thing: take it and you become a zombie. a very hungry zombie. only, in my case, it's all GRRRRRRAAAAAAINNNNNS I want. Honestly, I think I've consumed my weight in brown, red and jasmine rice in the past few days. What gives Xanax? No love for the cheese? or meats? WHY MUST YOU CARBLOAD? The worst part is that you don't care if you get fat (THANKS A LOT XANAX), so you just eat and eat, until you're at near regurgitation level. Then you wait a few minutes and start foraging in the kitchen again, because, you know, THERE MIGHT BE SOME NEW GRAINS THERE. HIDING. UNDER THE SINK. OR WITH THE CAT FOOD.

Ahem. I digress. So, what next? My friend tryptophan? NOPE. Makes the dreams worse, and then I can't fall back asleep, and yet somehow still wake up groggy and slow. Like a sloth, only less amiable.

Nothing, you say? TAKE NOTHING? Oh, yes, NOW THERE'S A PLAN. Take nothing, stay up until 2, fall asleep for an hour and then OMG BEARS ARE EATING MY FEET OFF AND THE CLOWNS ARE CHASING ME. And I have no feet, so, well, it's SCARY. Or my favorite, the horrible dream where your teeth all fall out. Ever had that one? TRUST ME. IS SCARY.

So, we're left with: GGGGGRRRAIINNS zombie, sloth of doom, or HOLY HELL, NOT YOU AGAIN, SLEEP.

Yeahhhhhh. And people wonder why we're all so cranky?